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Thursday, July 1, 2010

Forty two postcards

I am a sinner, no doubt about it. We all have our shortcomings, I guess. I admit it though and I think that is half the battle. The thing that will surprise my friends is what my sin is. I am one of the greediest people I know. See, I knew it; they are shaking their heads already. I don’t own a vehicle, not a car or truck. No quad or snowmobiles. I don’t own my own hou

se. I am wearing a pair of sneakers I paid $15 for. I seldom buy a shirt if it is more than $20. I don’t carry money, unless I am on holidays. My wallet will go six months without ever having twenty dollars in it. Greedy? My friends have stopped scratching their heads and are now holding their stomachs as their sides are starting to hurt from laughing. Yet there is something I covet more than anything else. It is something that goes back to an investment I made more than a decade ago.
It started the year I met my wife Lina. It was in the community of Ft. Resolution on the shores of Great Slave Lake. I was single, but not really looking. It was late spring. The weather gets pretty nice in Ft Res that time of year. The store I ran was in a pretty good spot. Located on a point of land that was bordered by a sandy beach on one side and a swampy area of rushes on the other side. In May the days are long with sunlight until nearly midnight. The lake sparkles and the children ride bikes along the beach and hunt frogs in the rushes. It was on a sleepy spring day; I was working in the office when my friend Dave McNabb breezed by, down the main aisle of the store fumbling with his post office keys. Beside him and before me passed a vision. It was like a blur. Like something half seen, out the corner of your eye. Where you are not quite sure what you have seen. It was a woman, to be sure but no one that I had ever seen before. She seemed short, with the most amazing hair. She was unzipping her jacket and was moving as fast as Dave. I stopped and stared. “How on earth did Dave snag a woman like that?” I thought to myself. A ringing phone snapped me back to reality and I was taken away. When I was free again she was gone. I wondered whether I had seen her at all.
Some time passed, before I saw her again. This reinforced the belief that I had seen a vision, or that she had merely been visiting. Fate, luck, kismet call it what you will but a wind was blowing through my life. I didn’t know it but I was about to feel its’ effects. All went on as normal; I had about forgotten the brief encounter when one day, one sunny beautiful day she walked through the door again. She was with a small girl carrying a beach towel. The sunlight poured through the open doorway surrounding her like an angel’s aura. I must have seemed dumb struck. She took a bottle of lemonade to the till. Our faithful cashier Christine was busy, bless her. I nipped to the till as quickly as a flash. “Can I help you?” I said. She was as I had pictured her, small and slight; beautiful with a crown of amazing hair. I dragged the transaction out as long as I could, chatting about the weather. I then felt Christine’s hand on my elbow. I looked down at her. She was smiling wickedly. I excused myself and slipped outside and stood on the steps. Shortly she passed from the store and we chatted again. I was on cloud nine when I returned to work. Christine met me at the door her arms folded and a huge grin on her face. “What” I said “are you smiling about?” She looked at me in her best motherly fashion and turned away. As she left she said, over her shoulder “Somebody’s smitten.” “What are you talking about?” I said to myself as she was already back to work.
A few days later, in the evening there was a knock at my door. There she was, with a mutual friend. They were just walking back from the beach. I invited them in for coffee. I finally learned her name; Lina. Lina with an “I” not an “E”. Too soon they were gone. Then I saw it, a small bottle of bug dope. I had seen it in our friend’s hand when they arrived. I slid the bottle in my pocket when I went to work the next day. All day I waited for her. When I saw her I followed her. She seemed to dart about like a minnow in the current. I thought she would slip away so when she went down one aisle I slipped down the next and we met suddenly and unexpectedly on my side of the aisle. I took the bottle from my pocket and gave it to her. “You left this behind.” I said hoping to sound convincing. “It’s my friend’s but thanks.” She said cheerily. She turned to go. “Would you like to come to dinner tomorrow might?” I said far too fast and a lot louder than I had intended. To my immense relief she smiled and said “Yes.” “Seven O.K.?” I asked. “I am going to barbeque.” “Sure. That sounds good!” she said and was gone. I felt light as a feather as I turned; whistling. Christine was standing in her usual spot arms folded. She was beaming. “What now?” I pleaded. She shook her head and turned away without unfolding her arms.
Late spring turned to a beautiful summer. On Canada Day I was cooking hot dogs for kids at the Fire Hall. “I’ll have one of those!” Lina said; she had snuck up on me from behind. “You bet!” I said picking out a good one. We had been seeing one another for a week or two. I had filled in some of the details. I knew who she was. She was Lina Sayine. I knew her brothers; Robert, James, and Charles. She had come to town to work for Dave, but things were slow in Dave’s auction business so she had taken a job at the community hall, making burgers, fries and BLTs. She was living with family members and they had different schedules it made it hard for her to sleep. After a time I asked her to move in with me and she accepted. I took to cooking meals at home and taking them to her while she was working. She didn’t care for the fried fare offered at the Hall. I tried out every dish in my bachelor’s repertoire; chili, home baked beans, Fish chowder, stew, barbeque and spaghetti. Lina would open the bag of steaming goodies and inhale “MMMMMMM! It smells so good!” she would say. The elders who migrated to the community hall each evening to play cards began to make comments. “Lina he never came to the hall until you started working here.” As well the ladies began to comment on the food I was bringing. Lina being a tiny thing did not eat the portions I was cooking so she began sharing the leftovers with the elders. Soon I would be hearing comments at the store “I loved the chowder.” “When are you making the beans again?”
A small town loves to have something to talk about, in fact in Ft Res there is a saying. “If you don’t hear a rumor by noon, start one.” Lina is originally from Ft Res but had not lived there since she was 17. The whole town was match making us. In fact it had started even before Lina and I had met. Lina’s niece Paula is married to my assistant manager and she had once tried to “fix me up” with her Auntie. I had visions of someone in a white sweater and skirt with a shawl. The elder women who haunted the hall were gossiping overtime. They love Lina; she is so vivacious and so loveable that everyone wanted her to come home to stay. They saw me as a means to that end.
Once Lina had moved in with me my routine became entrenched. Thus began one of the strangest courting rituals ever. I would go home at the end of the day. I would call Lina and see if she wanted anything special then cook supper. Then I would go down to the Hall and see her. I would help with any chores she was behind on; running garbage out to the bin, mopping spills, stacking chairs etc. Then I would play pool with my friends, wander from table to table watching card games and shooting the breeze with the male elders on the front verandah. Then I would go home and catch an hour’s sleep. I would return just before closing and help Lina clean the grill, sweep up or cut onions for the next day. We would cash out and head home. By then, with Lina’s topsy turvery schedule she would be hungry. Usually I would heat up a can of soup or stew or meatballs and gravy. We would eat it in bed watching our favorite late night shows. They were British sitcoms on PBS. First we would watch “Are you being served?” followed by ”Keeping up Appearances.” Patricia Routledge who plays the annoying and upwardly mobile Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced bouquet, but only by her) became known as “our lady”. That is how entrenched this routine was in our courtship.
Now I should mention that as delighted as I was when I found out that Lina was not my friend Dave’s girl; there was another fly in the ointment that kept me a bit ill at ease. It was the fact that Lina was in Ft Res only for the summer. She was attending college in Ft McMurray Alberta. Summer is as short as it is sweet in the Arctic. All too soon August was there. I was scheduled for four weeks vacation and at the end of my holidays I was to take a two week course in Winnipeg where our company has its’ headquarters. The deadline hung over us like a cloud. Neither of us wanting to bring the subject up. I was at once happier than I had ever been in my life; having met the woman who was my soul mate. Yet, on the other hand it was all temporary, all fleeting. Like the bliss of a summer breeze all too soon an icy winter blast was coming, remember I said a wind was blowing through my life. This wonderful woman might be swept from it like the leaves that were already turning yellow on the poplar tress on the point. One night we were on the sofa eating and watching TV. Lina, exhausted after standing on her feet all night had asked me to get her a few things, some salt a piece of bread, I forget what all. She looked into my eyes and asked “Am I being a bug?” It was my greatest pleasure to do these small things for her; I wanted to do so much more. I have a quick mind; it works in a flash and has sometimes gotten me in trouble more often something else happens. At this moment something simple yet magical happened. I replied, as quick as a heartbeat “Yes, you are a bug, a Ladybug.” Her eyes sparkled. “I like that, Ladybug!” In that instant I knew I had my affectionate name for Lina. Ladybug. It summed her up perfectly. Small; beautiful and loved by all. The Ladybug. Remember I said fate was at work here.
Unfortunately there was something else at work here. Time and tide seemed to be against me. So did past history. I have not had a great track record with the ladies; hence I was single at 38. I was luckless, always ending up alone. I felt a bit like my favorite Peanuts cartoon. It features an equally luckless Charlie Brown chatting with Linus while leaning against a brick wall. In panel one a smiling Charlie Brown says to Lines (paraphrasing) “For one brief moment today I thought I was winning in the game of life.” In panel two Charlie Brown, now frowning adds “But… there was a flag on the play.” As I packed to go I could clearly see the slow motion of the flag leaving the ref’s hand and arcing towards the ground, the referee raising the whistle to his lips.
“What is going to become of us?” I asked Lina through the egg sized lump in my throat as we parted at the airport. “I don’t know yet. Call me.” She returned to Ft Res. to stay with her niece while my house was occupied by my locum. Usually I was elated to visit my family. But now a cloud was over me. A decision had to be made a decision that would change both of our lives forever. The worst part was that, as usual it was not my decision to make. I resolved to call Lina every day. Yet somehow this did not seem enough. I needed to do something physical. I could only talk to her at night when I could call her at the hall. I needed to do something else, something tangible something that would push her towards staying, towards being my partner in life. I had half a lifetime of being single and I wanted this more than anything I had ever wanted. I may not have known I was looking, but sometimes you don’t know what you want until you find it.
I had to overnight in Edmonton. While waiting for the shuttle to the hotel I passed a newsstand. My eyes caught a revolving rack of postcards. Like I said my mind is quick, in a flash my mind seized on a plan. I always send a postcard from holidays to my staff, although I often get back before the card arrives. What if I sent Lina a postcard every day that I was gone? I knew that there would be a lag; that some time would pass before she got the first one. But after that I imagined the effect of a postcard arriving every day for six weeks. A postcard that would feature something about what I had done that day, from the place that I visited or was staying. It would give me a chance to summarize my thoughts and to have at least a one-sided conversation with her at a time of day that I otherwise would not have an opportunity to do so. I would write and mail the cards every morning. I bought a card and some stamps.
There is a Yiddish saying “Man plans God laughs”. I had envisioned the cards arriving one a day everyday, after the initial lag. I didn’t mention the cards to Lina I wanted to hear her reaction when the first one arrived. Time passed days turned into a week and then longer. Even the one I had mailed from Edmonton had not arrived. I had not calculated the fact that mail moves very slowly in the north and, of course Ft Res gets mail only three times a week. Then, one day Lina walked into the store and made her way to the Post Office at the back. One of my staff stopped her and said “Look at this; we got a postcard from Greg!” Lina meanwhile opened her mailbox. She removed the contents and flipped through them casually. “Oh did you get one too?” cooed my staff member. “No” Lina replied beaming; I got seven!” I had envisioned the effect of one card a day arriving. That was the plan. Like I said; fate. I had never considered the cumulative effect of seven cards arriving at once. When I called that evening Lina was ebullient; she described the encounter at the store and seemed to revel in the event. God was laughing, but I had a smile on my face too.
We were only a week or two from D-Day, decision day. I seized the moment and I asked her the question we both were dreading. “What about us? What about you? Are you going to stay?” I was fighting to keep my voice steady, not to pressure her, not to break down like a fool. A short pause occurred and when she answered her voice was as thick as mine. “Oh, my love, I thought you knew I can’t leave now. “ I was jumping up and down. Somewhere, wherever God acts these things out someone was waiving off the flag on the play. Another referee was holding two hands above his head palms facing each other. I had scored the winning touchdown.
Sometimes even Charlie Browns like me get the girl. Thus it was that 42 days after I left her at the airport I was squeezing her in my arms and spinning her in that same airport. She was staying and we were about to embark on the greatest adventure of our lives, together. The wind was blowing through my life but this time we were both being swept along and I was prepared to go along for the ride. In the same community hall where I had swept the floors for love, I got down on one knee and asked Lina to marry me. I did it on Valentines Day 1999. We were married one year later on May 20th 2000 this was the source of my greed. I have become "A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner” to borrow a line from Dickens. What I treasure, what I want to hoard, to keep just for me and no one else, what I covet is time. Most specifically is the time I spend with my wife, Lina. Not just special moments. Not just moments like standing atop Blarney castle waiting to kiss the Blarney stone. Not just moments like standing on the stage at the Grand Ole Opry, or sitting on Citadel Hill on a beautiful clear Halifax night singing along to “Give Peace a Chance” with Paul McCartney. Not just these. But the simple moments too. Like the day I came home for lunch and Lina said we are having “Grilled cheese sandwiches” except I didn’t hear her right. “What are grouchy sandwiches?” I asked. When she explained we both laughed so hard we hurt. I still call them grouchy sandwiches. It is these simple moments that I cherish, that I covet. Lina often asks why I love her. It is hard to say. There are a million reasons, almost literally. I love her for the way she talks with her hands. I love her for the way she dances about when there is no music. I love her for the way she always thinks of me first and I of her. I love her for all the silly things she does that make the elders laugh and the children giggle.
How do you guide someone to make a decision like this? What can you do that will move someone so much that they would change the course of their entire life? I took a gamble, made a gesture, made an investment. Forty Two postcards cost $61.42 postage with tax $22.02 total cost $83.44 a lifetime of love together…


Priceless.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

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