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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Silver Linings

When Lina and I decided to get married it had not immediately occurred to me that we would have to choose where we would get married. When we sat down to talk about it there seemed to be only one obvious choice. Lina and I had met in Fort Resolution, Deninu Kue (Moose Land) in her native Chipeweyan. We had taken our marriage counselling there. Her family was there. My family and friends were more scattered. My family was probably better able to travel if they wanted to come, although I thought that few of them would be able to travel to the remote NWT community. Still we were happy with the decision. As a matter of course I sent out invitations to my entire family, little supposing that many would be able to come. I was surprised when my Father's sister Katherine who we call Aunt Kay called my Mother immediately to tell her she was going and there was no doubt about it. Lina and I were delighted beyond words; especially me; because my Dad who was in a nursing home at the time and therefore would not be able to make it to the wedding. Aunt Kay would be my Dad's envoy.
We set about the happy task of planning the wedding. When I say we of course I mean Lina, more of the royal we. I was about as good at planning a wedding as I would be at planning a successful pajama party. I did the usual things that most soon to be husbands do. Lina would hold up a color swatch or a picture of two different wedding cakes and I would hold my chin and cock my head long enough for her to let me know how she felt and I would heartily agree with her. "Oh, yes dear! That looks great." I would say with vigour. We have a plaque for sale in our store that reads "The smartest thing a man ever said is "Yes Dear"". I am a firm believer that the words "Yes Dear" have saved more marriages than Viagra. And so it was that the bridesmaids dresses were chosen, the cake was designed, decorations were bought and food ordered; all of this with healthy doses of "That looks great dear!" from me. I was exhausted.
I must admit that I had a few preconceived ideas about our wedding. They were as follows; we are an older couple, we should have a simple wedding, let's spend the money on the honeymoon not on the wedding, and it's the marriage that counts not the day. Solid, stalwart principles that fell apart like a sandcastle in a tsunami. "This is my first and only wedding." Lina said. Not in loud or angry tones. But in that simple matter of fact tone that makes me melt like soft serve while you wait for your chili dog. "I noticed that there are seven diamonds either side of the main stone in my engagement ring. We met in July seventh month, you asked me to marry you after seven months. On February 14th. Fourteen divided by two is seven." I then made the mistake of saying "So?" "Well then I need seven bridesmaids and you should have seven groomsmen!" "Aw honey, I don't think I can get seven groomsmen." "Here's a list." I knew I was done. It would be a small wedding in the way that the British refer to the Atlantic Ocean as the pond. If the where of our wedding was ever in question; the when certainly was not. We had decided early on that the May long weekend of the year 2000 would be the magic day. This would allow time for friends from Edmonton to attend, as well as being good timing for the use of the church and community hall. May is also a magical time in the north. It is a time when the earth awakens. Ft Res, as it is known, is on the shores of Great Slave Lake. It is indeed a great lake, ninth largest in the world and the deepest in North America. It is not deep in the area around Ft Res however. It is shallow and dotted with islands; islands that play tricks on the eyes. If you look out at the lake over a period of time and in different light conditions you will see islands that you have never seen before. They seem to pop up out of the lake; mysterious and alluring. But in this time of year the lake was still shrouded in ice. The days are getting longer, we are north of 60. That is to say north of the 60th parallel that forms the southern border of the NWT and marks the beginning of the arctic. The days are long in late May, being light until nearly midnight. The date then was set. Big events in our lives are like black holes or water going down the drain. They exert a gravity a centrifugal force that inexorably draws you in toward the center. At first you are in the water in the sink and it can be quite pleasant. You bob around and get comfortable with the idea of the thing. And then, gradually you are drawn toward the center. Even when you first get there the spinning vortex seems slow, lazy even enjoyable, like a carousel. However as the event approaches the current increases the whirlpool tightens and things start spinning at break neck speed, the carousel becomes a tilt-a-whirl.
So it was that we entered the final weeks of preparation. This was the epicentre of the vortex; with events moving at blurring speed. Work, wedding, guests coming, honeymoon, pictures, cake, tuxes, dresses all these things whirled about me like items in a tornado, suddenly appearing out of the maelstrom; invading my sleep. I took solace, as I always do in a homemade philosophy. I have always held that what will happen, will happen. No matter what you do things have a way of working out. That is not to say however, that you should not try to be ready. Lina had a lot more invested in the seamless perfection of the day than I did. I wanted a perfect marriage not a perfect wedding. Lina had a lot emotionally invested in both. It's a girl thing. Problem for me is that I love her so much I wouldn't see her disappointed for the world. So into the whirlwind we went. When I moved up north I was new to living in an aboriginal community, especially a northern one. Things move here at a different pace and in a different way. But they do move. I was slowly coming to know and appreciate this. A wedding is a big event up here. Communities are small and tight. Everyone is related and if not to each other than to someone who is involved in a given event. Whenever something big happens, be it a death, a birth a wedding a graduation, everyone and I mean everyone pitches in. I come from the east coast and our culture is the same that way. People helping people. I think it stems from hard times and suffering, when you have known hard times you know what to do when disaster hits, like say a funeral. And just as importantly when you know hard times you know how important it is to make the most of the good times, like a birth or a wedding. It is the yin and yang of life. The Dene and Nova Scotians have had hard times in common. Lina's cousin Violet insisted on doing the food. That was all right with me as she is an awesome cook and if you've seen my picture I am a good judge of good food. Lina's brother Robert booked the hall, our mutual friend Dave was to be the emcee as he is a professional auctioneer he was an excellent choice. Tausia the community's recreation coordinator helped organize. Lina's sister-in-law drove us to Edmonton to pick up the dress and decorations. We hit the wedding stores, the dollar stores anywhere that sold decorations. We had approximately enough to decorate the dark side of the moon.
Oh yeah, the dress. Lina is tiny; minuscule really. We shop at opposite ends of the spectrum me at Mr Big and Tall (and I am only six foot). She shops at petite shops. A word about that; petite, to me it means small. If my high school French is correct. When we first met I went on my holidays without Lina (for the last time; thank God). She asked me a favour and how could I refuse. "Could you pick me up a suit?" I stared "Suit?" I said blankly. "Yeah, a jacket and skirt silly." "I guess." I said picturing myself in a ladies clothing store. "Yeah size zero." "SIZE ZERO?!!!" I said in disbelief. "You are pulling my leg right? I mean there is no size zero. How can you be a size zero, doesn't that mean that you don't exist?" "No" She said testily with her hands on her hips. "It means I am petite!" Silence isn't just golden, it is lifesaving sometimes. She may be small but she is a Chipeweyan woman and Chip women are feisty, the punch above their weight, literally. "O.K." I said as reassuringly as I could. It didn't go well. When I reached civilization I went into the mall. I walked into a ladies clothing store that had the word "Petite" in the name. I walked up to a clerk who was about my size and I asked her for some help. "I need a suit, skirt and jacket; size zero." She stared at me blankly. I panicked. I froze, my mind went to mush. "It's not for me!" I blurted. This must have been the most ludicrous statement in the history of mankind. "Good!" She re piled with a smile, we don't have anything in your color, you are an earth tone." She turned to a rack of jackets and flipped. "We don't have anything smaller than a four.". "Four?" I said lamely. She's petite." Well you can be a size 10 and be petite. But you knew that, of course." "Of course." I added with false assurance. "Thank you." I stammered and walked backwards from the store. I disappeared into the crowd as quickly as possible. I made my way to the next store that featured the word petite in the name. I squared my shoulders and walked in. Another woman of equal size to the first clerk approached me. Good God I thought are all the women who work in petite shops built like linebackers? "Can I help you?" She said politely but stiffly. It was like she thought I was looking for the washroom or wanted to know what time it was. "I need a suit." I blurted, too loud and far too fast. "Size zero." Blank stare. "It's not for me!" I said like a man who had just been caught picking up the murder weapon, saying to the police officer, "I didn't do it!". "Yes." She replied. You would need at least a size twelve." Ah, just about your shoe size then, I thought but held my tongue. She checked the racks but found only a size one, which I ended up buying, and later returning by mail. My first and last foray into the field of buying Lina clothes, gloves and socks are as close as I come these days.The lady who made Lina's dress was petite too. She had done the dresses for the Miss Canada pageant and was supposed to be very good. I of course was kept far away when Lina went for fittings. "A lot of fuss for a dress you are only going to wear once." I said cheerily one day. "I could arrange to wear it again with someone else!" Lina replied icily. Ouch! Another thing that people wanted to do was play music for us. The amount of talent in these small communities is amazing. "There are three bands who want to play for our wedding." Lina said one morning. "I don't think we can afford three bands, dear" I said a little hesitantly. "No silly, they WANT to play for us, it's there gift." I was still thinking like a southerner I guess. "Including Angus and the Native Cousins." "Really?!! " "Angus Beaulieu playing at our wedding, cool!" Angus was a local Metis fiddler and he is a legend in the north and rightly so. He is a national treasure and has preformed on capitol hill on Canada Day. He has more talent in his baby finger than most ten other fiddlers. "Yeah, there will be fiddle music, reels, jigs, country music and rock and roll from the young guys," . "That's awesome!" I said and I meant it with every fibre of my being. We had done all that could be done ahead of time. The coolers and freezers at work were full of food, roasts and hams, turkeys, potatoes, salad fixings. And that's not to mention the cake. Oh, the cake. I could write an entire story about that cake. I had a guy working for me in Ft Resolution who was a jack and master of all trades; especially where food is concerned. He insisted on taking on the cake. I wasn't going to argue. We bought the mixes and the decorations. This was no ordinary cake. It was four tiers high with a lighted fountain. It had seven satellite cakes that each had a plastic bridge going to them with a couple walking on each bridge. These represented the seven bridesmaids and groomsmen. Our representatives were on top the cake, of course. It was a massive undertaking. It took Barry days to make it. Every cake was iced and decorated with flowers. Several words compete for a descriptor of this masterpiece; spectacular, magnificent, amazing, awesome and breathtaking all come to mind. It was a work of art. This alone would set any wedding apart. The cake featured a ladybug too. My nickname for Lina is Ladybug. It all stemmed from an evening when we were lying on the sofa. She had been asking me some questions. I was answering while watching the TV. "Am I being a bug?" she asked. I looked into her eyes, so full of love at that moment that the question tickled me. "Yes. A Ladybug." I replied. "Ladybug, I like that!" She said in her little girl voice. And that was that, she was and is my little Ladybug. I found out later that Ladybugs are good luck. I could have guessed. The guests began to arrive too. My friends Pam and Roger and their kids were in from Edmonton. They were staying with Sister Joan, the lady who had conducted our marriage counselling. She was also the Nun who was going to marry us. When we had told her we were getting married she was delighted. "You'll have to take a course if you want to get married in church." She told us. "No problem. We would have to do the same if we got married in my church." I said. We were supposed to be taking the course with other couples but it ended up being just us and Sister. It went by too fast and we were sorry when it ended, we enjoyed our weekly meetings. At the end sister said. "I will have to see when Father is free to marry you." "But we thought you would do it, Sister?" We said. "Of course I can, I just thought..." "No way, we replied, we want you!" That was that. When Sister found out we had company coming she kindly offered her home. We still see Sister Joan and Sister Pauline. In the winter when the winter road opens they will drive through Tulita and sometimes stay with us. It is always a delight to see them again. My old friend Andrew who lives in nearby Hay River would be coming in on the day, with his wife Dixie. As well my Best man and oldest Friend Jed would be flying in from Edmonton. We have known each other as long as I can remember. We were born on the same day, so no problem remembering when his birthday is or how old he is. We even share a middle name. I was delighted when he accepted. My Mom and my Sister Janice and Aunt Kay were staying with us. They had flown to Peace River Ab. and driven in from there, a good 12 hour drive, so they were exhausted when they arrived. We were in the center of the whirlwind now, you're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy. The wedding was tomorrow. The hall had to be decorated. I am a volunteer Firefighter and a while back jokingly the Fire Chief had said to the Fire Marshal. "We should shine up the truck and use it in Greg's wedding." "Wouldn't be the first time. Why don't you, it's good for morale!" We looked at each other. "Why Not?" Artie said. Everyone called him Artie; everyone that is except Lina. She always calls him Arthur. "Even my Mom calls me Artie." he said. "Should I stop?" Lina asked. "No way!" Artie said enthusiastically. He is still Arthur to us. So I found myself the night before my wedding in the familiar confines of the Fire Hall, decorating the truck. I must confess that I was happy to be there. I love the smell of a Fire Hall; the smell of rubber and hoses, diesel and old smoke. I found it familiar, calming. The eye of the storm I guess. We were just finishing when my Mom and Sister and Aunt came in. "You better get over to the community hall things are a mess. Kids are breaking the balloons, nothing is getting done." Oh well so much for the calm in the storm, back to the whirlwind. Inside the log community hall, chaos reigned. Packs of kids chased each other in circles, stamping the balloons, breaking them as fast as others were blowing them up. Rene my poor beleaguered Grocery Manager had only been here a week and he was red in the face from blowing up balloons. The decorations were partly on the tables partly on the floors. My Mom had a panicked look in her eyes. I was too old a hand at this stuff to panic. You have to have a bit of faith. I stuck my fingers in my mouth and gave a sharp whistle. Kids screeched to a halt. Everyone looked up. Lina's cousin Martha stepped forward. "You kids get outta here!" She bellowed. "You there, you grab a ladder. You, hey, grab that broom." She, like Lina was vertically challenged, but like I said about Chip women, watch out. I glanced at Mom. It was nearly midnight. "You must be exhausted. Come home and go to bed." "It's just early." She replied. "Mom, it's nearly midnight!" "What? It's still broad daylight." "Welcome to the North!" I said. Mom had lived in Timmins during the war but this was her first time north of 60. We went home and left the chaos and filth of the dirty, cluttered Community hall. "It will be alright." I said reassuringly. "You'll see." I was slightly less sure than I sounded. Lina and I went about our preparations. She was sleeping at her brother's house tonight, some tradition I understand. "See you tomorrow Mrs Turnbull." "Mrs. Sayine-Turnbull." She replied. "Goodnight" I crawled into bed at about 4 am for a few hours of fitful sleep. Morning came early and way too quick. Andrew and Dixie arrived from Hay River. "Oh, you must be Greg's Sister." She said "And you must be Greg's Aunt Kay, I've heard so much about you." Only one problem, she had the two reversed. Aunt Kay and Janice corrected her. Dixie put her hand over her mouth and turned three shades of red. "I am so sorry." she said and fled. Later she said to me "Please apologize again to your sister for me. I am so mortified." "Well," I replied "look at it this way. There is a silver lining. My sister hates you, but my Aunt loves you!" Dixie blanched. "I am just kidding, I said, they are howling about it, you made there whole trip.! They'll be talking about that for years." And they have. There were more speed bumps, tuxes that didn't fit, groomsmen who were late, "where are my cufflinks" , "My shoes don't fit." But if my house was chaos Lina's brother's place was bedlam; Hair dresser, pinning this brushing that. Still when we were at the church fully fifteen minutes before the time I looked at Jed. "I did remember to tell you how much this means to me didn't I?" I said looking him square in the eye. "It's written all over your face." He said. "Damn, I knew it, I forgot to wash my face!" I said laughing. There was a commotion in the front of the church. I knew what that meant. Lina was here. There was a lot of oohing and ahhhing. I swallowed hard. It was now or never. Sister formed us into a line and my seven compatriots looked like a phalanx of Mafioso’s as they stood, stiffly. They all looked sharp. Lina's Nephew Davey looked nervous. "I've never had a suit on before, Uncle Greg." My heart swelled at being called Uncle Greg. I straightened his tie. "You look fantastic!" I said. And he did, they all did. Jed and I took our place. "Ready?" Jed said. I smiled. "As I'll ever be!" I said.


The music started; low and lilting, a beautiful piece, not the tradition brides march but a beautiful classical piece. Lina walked out of the church foyer backlit by the afternoon sun on her Brother Robert's arm. Robert was giving away the bride as Lina's Father is deceased. Both her parents are gone. She took my breath away. More ooohhhs and ahhhhs. She was radiant. No bride has ever looked better. The sun backlit her veil; making it look like she had a halo. I could tell she was nervous. What, like I wasn't. Tears ran down my cheeks. I have never seen anything more beautiful, before or since. Flashes blazed, people fought for position to see her. I heard someone say "She looks like a little Barbie doll!" "How precious!" someone else chimed in. Lina was really nervous now. The three flower girls were in the aisle ahead of her. They each had baskets of artificial rose petals to sprinkle on the red carpet of the beautiful old church. The Church was 75 years old. It was shaped like a crucifix and had three balconies. There was a painting made by a Catholic brother a century ago using natural paints made with berries and such, the colors are just as vivid today. The girls were supposed to scatter the leaves and Lina would walk a carpet of petals. Unfortunately when they had practiced this they did not have their white cotton gloves on. When they took the leaves in their gloved hands the leaves stuck to the gloves due to small pieces of wire in the leaves as reinforcement. They shook their hands and the leaves spun into the pews and delighted guests howled with laughter. The girls looked embarrassed but it could not have been more precious. Lina is shy by nature and she began to notice the attention. "What did you expect?" I asked afterwards. "This is your day!" "I know but I didn't expect all this!" She said. She picked up speed, catching Robert off guard. He too sped up, probably wondering what the rush was. I was transfixed. I hadn't even seen the gown before this let alone Lina in it. She was angelic. She normally is radiant. Everyone loves her. All the kids call her Auntie, whether or not they are related to her. Her real nephews and nieces jealously defend the right to call her that. "Hey she's not your Auntie!" they cry. Elders love her too she is always dancing about, cheering them up, making them smile. It's the main reason I love her. The main reason I was here. I wanted to make this union last. I wanted to do it right. I knew I was never going to find another like her. Everyone in the place was excited and the place was full. When she made it to the front I took her hand and our eyes met. I mouthed the words "I Love You." She returned the gesture. Her eyes were sparkling. I have never seen anyone more alive, more beautiful. We faced the altar and the wedding proceeded. Sister told the story of a married couple who had been married 75 years. Someone asked the wife "In all those years did you ever consider divorce?" "Never!" She replied. "Now murder, that's a different story." We all laughed. The moment was perfect, the day was perfect. The sun streamed in the windows of the old church. Lina was beautiful; I was happy, relieved and proud all at the same time. I was full of the moment. I knew one thing; it doesn't get any better than this. The rule was no confetti. But when we came down the steps with fourteen bridesmaids and groomsmen and two ring bearers and three flower girls the air was full of it; full of cheering people too. Everyone was happy. Everyone was hugging. The Fire Truck was there. Artie was videotaping and Roy was one of my groomsmen so I don't know who brought it. The entire wedding party climbed on. It is a Fort Res tradition to have a motorcade, even though it is only a hundred yards or so from the church to the community hall. The fire truck lead the way with the other cars falling in behind. As we proceeded kids on bikes fell in alongside the truck. I looked back and the cars were back as far as the eye could see. Normally only the few vehicles of the wedding party were in the motorcade. The other vehicles would wait at the intersections and honk. Not this day. They were all in tow, like they wanted to be part of this thing. All were honking and the siren was going. Oddly the streets were empty almost no one waved from yards or house windows as usual. "They're all behind us!" Lina yelled over the noise. We stood and waved to the procession which, because we had rounded the block was driving on the road opposite us. They went wild. Horns tooted arms waved wildly. I had never seen anything like it. Nor had others, people told me later they too had never seen anything like it and they had lived there all their lives.

We had to go back to the house before going to the hall. Everyone else went to the hall right away. My Mom was stunned. "That was really something." She said. "I'm calling Dad!" I said. The nurse went to get him and bring him to the phone. I could hardly get the words out I was so excited. "Guess what I did today?" I said. Dad had dementia, I was never sure he would remember. "You got married!" He said in his firm voice. "I am so proud!" He continued. "I wish you were here Dad!" "Me too. I love you guys." "See you soon Dad." Short and sweet but he had been part of the day. As part of the wedding we had perfromed a special presentation. I had given a rose to my Mom and My Aunt (My Father's sister) Lina had given a rose to each of two Aunts her Father's sister and her Mother's sister. Even though three of the four principles were not there they were not forgotten.
The time came for the wedding party to make the trip to the community hall. I hadn't been there since the night before; nor had my family. When we went through the door the place went wild. I was floored. The place was gorgeous. Everything was decorated. The pillars were wrapped in bunting and streamers in our wedding colors, blue, black and white. Balloons hung from the ceiling in huge bunches, the tables were lined up and full. Each place was set perfectly. Each setting had matching napkins and each table had a paper cloth with a skirt around it, all in the wedding colors. The cake sat in the corner, it was huge! The head table was amazing, on the wall behind was our names, doves cut out of paper decorated the walls, I had seen my Sister cutting these out in the wee hours of the morning. The town had outdone itself. Mom looked at me in wonder "I can't believe it's the same place!" "I told you things would work out, people have a way of pulling together up here."

The table with the food looked amazing too, it fairly groaned under the weight of turkey and ham, moose roast and caribou meat, buffalo ribs, goose soup and ducks. The community had come through with wild meat. Dave was emceeing and doing a great job. Barry was standing beside his cake beaming. People had worked right through the night. Velma and her daughter Alicea had been up all night putting up streamers. I was speechless.
We ate and toasted and kissed and toasted and kissed again. I made my speech, a thank you to all the people who had done all this. I felt so inadequate. How do you thank people for such super human effort? I only know one way and that is to enjoy it to the max. Involve them and let them have the best time ever. The bands played and we had our dance. My best man was everywhere, helping tend bar, helping do whatever; being quite literally the best man. We have been friends a long time but never more than at this moment. I stood to thank my Aunt for coming and my voice failed me when I mentioned that she was my Dad's sister. She has a special relationship with Dad as her Mother died when she was nine or ten and Dad took his youngest sister under his wing. I danced with elders and children. The bands played, as the night went on the musicians got younger and the crowd did too. My family begged off as they had an early start the next day. As people left they looked for souvenirs, the monogrammed napkins, matchbooks and place cards were snapped up. People were thanking us. "You must get married every year!" More than one person told us.
The party had been scheduled to end at two. The Band came to me and said "People still want to dance, can we still play?" "Play!" I said. "Let them enjoy it, they've earned it!" And so they did, until after four in the morning. At 4:30 Lina and I were sitting on chairs facing one another. The place was empty except Dave and Jed. Her dress was filthy from the mud outside and from having people stepping on her train all night, including me. I am a clumsy dancer. "My dress is filthy." She said. "It's O.K. you'll never wear it again remember?" "Remember what I said? I might wear it again!" I pretended to pout. "When we renew our vows!" She said and I squeezed her hands. "Let's go." I said. "It's late." I put one arm around Lina and one around Jed. We walked the short distance home. Janice, who was sleeping on the couch, awoke. They had to drive to Peace River at 6:00am. "Dixie invited us to breakfast in Hay River. She still feels guilty." "Oh well," I said. "Drive safely Auntie" "Watch it!" She replied with a laugh.
"Well, how was it?" I said to Lina. "Perfect!" She said. "It was perfect." "I wouldn't change anything." I replied. I don't know whether it was the fact that there hadn't been a wedding that year or whether it was because it was the new millennium. Maybe it was the fact that everyone loved Lina but our wedding seemed to be a high point for a lot of people not just us. Everyone seemed to excel, to out do themselves and in doing so they got caught up in the moment and enjoyed it even more. No one fought and there were no problems at all. Everyone wanted to remember the night. A few years later I was on a plane leaving Old Crow in the Yukon. My seatmate struck up a conversation. "Have you been in the north long? Where else have you lived?" "Well before I came here I lived in Ft Resolution." I said. "Oh I have been there." He said happy that we had something in common. "I went there in May of 2000. There was a wedding going on, I didn't even know the couple, but I went to the reception. What a feast. What a great time, we danced all night. It was fantastic. The best wedding I ever went to and I never even knew the couple." "That so?" I said. "Yes, were you there?" "Oh yes.” I replied. "I was there..."